simple joy

Last week FLI students are on Fall Break. For those who stayed around, we had some good times together. Here’s a few snapshots.

Time for tea at Montagues.

Girls day in the mountains! [Somehow "mom van" snuck herself in this shot. Sneaky, sneaky!]

And of course, the ensuing snowball fight. [Since we're on the continental divide, I guess it really does matter who throws the snow where. You never know, we could throw quite the wrench in this spring's eco-system. I'm just sayin'.]

Lunchtime at Euro Cafe

Then began our shopping excursion. and quite the excursion it was.

Yes, the little yellow Starbucks was as cozy as ever.

By day’s end, we were ready to be home again having enjoyed a girls day away.

“still & steady”

Colorado . 2009

This morning finds me curled up at home, drinking a pumpkin spice hot chocolate from my favorite burnt orange mug. And, of course watching Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It’s tradition.  I’ll take care of dinner prep later [I'm brining pumpkin pie bars on a gingerbread crust-yum!].

I mean who can say no to snoopy

turkey tom

kermit

or this wholesome goodness?

Emotion can be useful, most definitely. Yet if we stop at merely using emotion to get at the lies in our life, that would be such a tragedy.  The mere existence of emotion is a gift to be cherished.

Many of us shy away from emotion, fearing that it will lead us astray from what we believe to be the grounded reality of our thoughts.  Others of us have been taught [either overtly or covertly] that emotions are dangerous, unwanted, unacceptable, or ugly.  Sometimes we’ve scared ourselves with the ways we’ve acted out of our emotions. So we shut them down [or shall I say, stuff them down] entirely.  For whatever reason, emotions get a bad name, and to me, that’s sad.

Emotion is a beautiful thing. It signifies that we are alive. Whether our circumstances & our beliefs about them find us emoting a favorable feeling [ecstatic, hopeful, confident] or a not so favorable feeling [shocked, exhausted, ashamed, angry, afraid] we can know that our human heart is still beating. That our story is still unfolding. The end has not yet come. [side note: The choices we make as a result of these emotions is another dialogue for another time, for now let's talk about the raw experience of feeling these emotions.]

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Is it really okay to have these feelings?

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The writer of the Book of Beginnings [Genesis] writes that we were created in the very image of God himself.  And so our essence reflects His. Woah. This is not to say we are little gods and goddesses running around. Yet we are as the moon is to the sun, reflecting His glory, His essence.  So, let’s take a look at who God shows himself to be [in regard to emotion].

“With unfailing love you will lead this people whom you have ransomed.” Exodus 15.13

“Then Jesus wept.” John 11.35

“Jesus made a whip from some ropes and chased them all out of the Temple. He drove out the sheep and oxen, scattered the money changers’ coins over the floor, and turned over their tables.” John 2.15 [this sound like anger to anyone other than me?]

“The LORD, the God of their ancestors, repeatedly sent his prophets to warn them, for he had compassion on his people and his Temple.” 2Chronicles 36.15

“A vast crowd was there as he [Jesus] stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Matthew 14.14

God expresses feelings – all across the spectrum, from the ones we have deemed “negative” to the ones we’ve deemed “positive”.  Again, I am not speaking to the choices made, but rather the emotions experienced inside.

And so, being made in God’s image, may we be free to let ourselves experience whatever emotion comes to us. May we see the beauty and the aliveness of our human heart as we feel. May we recognize that our story is still unfolding. The end has not yet come. And in that truth may we simply breathe.

For the record, I despise 3-step, trite answers to life’s quandaries. Please don’t take the last post and this one that way. Rather, receive them as a potential framework. A way in which to view emotion, if you will. A pathway on which to journey toward understanding the complexity of their existence.

That said, let’s talk about the “now what”.

Really what we’re looking for, what we are hoping to be illuminated are lies we are believing about our self, God, or the world. It is only when those lies are named (or if you must use a Christian word, confessed) that the lie hidden in darkness enters His healing Light.

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When a lie is noticed, begin by naming it. [Most of the time you will know the truth in your mind, but your heart-core will be living out of the lie.].  Have a conversation with Him about the reality of what you’ve realized-you may actually talk or simply write it out – whichever works best for you.

At some point, you’ll want to ask His forgiveness. Know that when you ask, you will find His arms wide open waiting to embrace you.  Sometimes it seems He’s almost more giddy than I am at this point. It’s taking me awhile to get used to this, since I keep expecting Him to be disappointed or annoyed. I just haven’t found that to be true.

You’ll also want to intentionally turn away from this lie, and turn to Jesus, asking Him for truth to fill this space [some people call this repentance, if you must know...].

It helps, also, to surround yourself with people who [just by being themselves] are going to solidify the truth that you are receiving to fill the space of the lie. Here’s a story, it happened a few years back, but still echoes in me today.

I was in my mid-twenties at the time and involved in a community of Christ-followers. We called ourselves Pierced Chapel.  We were quite intentional about engaging in authentic relationships, and I was bound and determined [and highly motivated by lies] to lead a community group a particular semester. I had led groups before, God had shown up, and I wanted to be part -of that happening again… and I felt like I should… because I could.

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Ever found yourself there before?

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One evening I was in conversation with our Pastor’s wife. I was honest with her about the spiritual valley I was walking through, and I will always remember her response as we closed up that night. She asked me if I was planning to lead a community group that semester. I began to indecisively attempt to answer her, when she interrupted me saying, “if you even try to sign up, I’m crossing your name off the list.” In that moment a weight tumbled off me. Megan heard me. She was more concerned with me receiving the care I needed from the community than using the skills and abilities I had simply because I had them.  Megan relationally affirmed the truth that I am loved for who I am, not what I do.  What a beautiful gift.

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And so, may the lies in our lives continue to be illuminated. May we find the courage to talk with God about them, to receive His forgiveness and truth. And may we be surrounded by relational affirmation of this truth that sets us free.

Feelings.

Where do they fit?

Can they be trusted?

What does the Creator have to say about them?

Let’s start simple and take a look at the domino effect that takes place when an:

event [triggers a]

belief [which knocks over a]

thought [which awakens a]

feeling [and sets an]

action [in motion].

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It goes something like this:

Say a parent is late to pick up Kindergartner from school, day after day after day [this would be the event]. Sooner rather than later, their son/daughter will begin to believe “I am not important. In fact, I am unworthy of being loved and cared for.” [beliefs] From these beliefs (which at this point he/she is unaware of) come thoughts like I must take care of myself. If I don’t, no one else will. I must prove my value by what I do. [thoughts] Then comes the response. The child begins to feel abandoned, alone, afraid. [feelings] and seemingly out of nowhere begins to insist on doing everything by his/her self, without help, to an extreme. [actions]

*Of course this is a fictitious example. Each child [child turned adult] and event is unique and will be perceived and responded to differently.

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Epictetus says it well, “Men are disturbed not by things [events], but by the view which they take of them.”  This view is first filtered [by belief(s) and thought(s)] then responded to [by a feeling(s) and action(s)]. And so [from the way I see things at this point-which happens to be in agreement with REBT (google it)] our feelings are a response to our perception – not part of forming our perception of an event/reality.

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No doubt it takes quite a bit of intention to notice what’s going on inside of us as an event takes place and we perceive and respond to it.

So, start with what you know.

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What caught your attention? Did you “do” something [action]? Did you “feel” something [feeling]? Or perhaps you recognized a thought that passed through your mind? Or a series/pattern of thoughts?

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When you notice an action, feeling, or thought [it's rare to start with a belief, but perhaps you may from time to time] pay attention to your surroundings. Who is there? What is/has just taken place? What is about to take place? What was supposed to take place but did not? [these are clues to what the event may be]

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From there, find some time [probably not late-night, since we all know emotion runs high in the evening hours] to sit down with a journal or notebook and be your own Sherlock. Invite the Holy Spirit (The Counselor) to come and speak truth in this time.  Then simply make a space for:

A – the event [what happened/did not happen?]:

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B – your beliefs [about God/self/world]:

your thoughts [what phrases/pictures popped into your mind?] :

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C -  your feelings:

your actions:

Sometimes it can be difficult to begin to identify your feelings and beliefs. If you would like, leave a comment with your email address, or Facebook message me, and I’ll make sure to get a couple of resources to you that will make this a whole lot more doable.

You may be asking, “So, I fill out a page in my journal, then what?”  I’ll touch on that in my next post.

Until then, happy noticing. :)

[click here to purchase photo]

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What word(s) rise in you when you see such beauty?

[feel free to comment below]

As I drove up Briargate to darken my skin tone for Aaron & Jenn’s wedding (18 days away!), my eyes wandered to the bumper of an old Chevy with the above plastered proudly in the right hand corner. It made me stop and ask, “Really, is it a man – a skin and bones man- that causes our hearts to rise with hope?”.  Who are we to believe he has all the answers? How rediculous to think he’ll wave some magic wand and we’ll all be friends? It’s obvious, isn’t it? Judgment began to rise in me.

And in that same moment, I was asked a question, “What is it that might be plastered on your bumper sticker?”.  “Where do you place your hope?”. “Who will bring you to a place of peace and restoration?”.

Ouch. [a good kind of ouch]

There I was, right in the midst of the one’s I had just begun find ridiculous, unreasonable, and foolish.

I was one of them. Maybe we all are.

A wise man once wrote, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick” (Proverbs 13.12).

And it’s true, isn’t it?

Here we are. A generation of people tired, wounded, grieved as we continue in a prolonged place of longing, day after day after day.

Sometimes in this broken world, hope is like sucking on a Luden’s Cherry Throat Drop.

When I was young, any time a sore throat showed its face my first request was Ludens. They were like candy, but they felt good. And they had the word throat in their name, so they must help, right?

Please hear me, this is not a word against the current presidency, or against Ludens (they were my hero for goodness sake!).

What I’m saying is this.  Sometimes when our finite little wounded hearts come face to face with the reality of the brokenness of this world we inhabit,  we get scared, or afraid, or maybe frozen stiff.  We cry out for Ludens, when maybe we really need a warm embrace. To sob and simply be held. To rest and be nourished. Maybe we need some Love.

Don’t you just love this? I found it on the wall of a bathroom of all places. I must say, it’s the strangest thing taking a photograph in a public restroom. Very odd, actually. Yet, it had to be done. You are welcome.